New Parent Hilarity Pillows

'Oh Darling look. He's got your colour boogies!'

They Removed my Brain.

"Does knowing you're being watched on a baby monitor keep you out of mischief?"

'Well, he definitely has his father's... Er... Eyes.'

'Wow! Your kid looks a lot like you!'

'Good thing it has a child-proof cap.'

Child Being Dirty in the Bath.

'BEEP! BEEP! Pregnant Lady Reversing!...'

Cupid and stork ambush young couple.

'Congratulations Mr. Dumley, you have a lovely little thing...'

'Oh wonderful! All day I've been waiting for that burp!'

"It was a difficult delivery."

Baby reading 'To do list'.

"I can hardly wait for him to start leading a life of quiet desperation."

"This diaper makes my butt look big..."

'This might be a good time to discuss a few grievances.'

'Mom, will the baby come with bundled software?'

Beware of teething baby.

Husband and Child in Pram

A (P)ram.

A woman looks at greeting cards in a section entitled "New Pie".

"Oh, she's got her father's male hormones"

'Sandra, I think the baby needs his oil changed.'

'I don't believe it - At school all my teachers said I was an underachiever!'

"I think our bundle of joy needs his mommy, dear!"

Baby Teething Problems.

Twins

'Mum's water have broken and she's called the doctor. I may be wrong but I'd be calling the plumber!!'

'That's my girl. The one in the white uniform.'

'She'll open her eyes in a few days. I don't know about us.'

Baby Bat Mobile

"Twins!...Who's the other father?"

'Your son couldn't come. He sent his sister.'

'It's OK, being completely egocentric is perfectly normal for someone your age.'