New Parent Chuckles Pillows

THE REAL REASON WOMEN HAVE CAESARIANS

Your CV is rather thin...

Beckett for Beginners: "Waiting for Thumbkin"

"Use your inside scream."

"I said, was... it... a... difficult... birth?"

'Congratulations Mr. Dumley, you have a lovely little thing...'

'BEEP! BEEP! Pregnant Lady Reversing!...'

Cupid and stork ambush young couple.

'Oh Darling look. He's got your colour boogies!'

'Oh wonderful! All day I've been waiting for that burp!'

"I can hardly wait for him to start leading a life of quiet desperation."

Husband and Child in Pram

Beware of teething baby.

'Mom, will the baby come with bundled software?'

'This might be a good time to discuss a few grievances.'

They Removed my Brain.

'I tried those once. They leaked.'

'Sandra, I think the baby needs his oil changed.'

'Actually the twins are not hard to tell apart. When I put them down, the one that cries is Dennis.'

"Twins!...Who's the other father?"

'Your son couldn't come. He sent his sister.'

"I think our bundle of joy needs his mommy, dear!"

Twins

'I don't believe it - At school all my teachers said I was an underachiever!'

'That's my girl. The one in the white uniform.'

'It's OK, being completely egocentric is perfectly normal for someone your age.'

'One small tooth for me...one giant worry for you.'

"You went here instead of the maternity ward. Fortunately, we experts in delivery too!"

"When do I get my phone call"

Mobile Phone Mobile.

Clearance sale. Everything must go!

"Did he sleep through the night again?"

"Dress it up all you want – it's still and invasion of my privacy."

'Don't be silly mum, the morning after pill doesn't work 14 years after conception.'

3 Kings - "I think nappies would have been more useful than Frakinsense."