New Mom Chuckles Pillows

'One small tooth for me...one giant worry for you.'

'I tried those once. They leaked.'

"The doctor wanted me to let you know that everything is fine, but your c-section didn't go quite as planned. it was more like a 'K' section..."

Beckett for Beginners: "Waiting for Thumbkin"

'I've drawn up a shortlist of baby names.'

"You got the dolls yesterday? My mom says I took nine months!"

"I said, was... it... a... difficult... birth?"

'Oh Darling look. He's got your colour boogies!'

The Mothership

'Here's one I made earlier!'

'I think it may be a limited edition.'

"They also left a pamphlet on the benefits of breast feeding."

'No, I've not got names for them but I've got one for my husband!'

"Oh please, go on, just for the weekend."

'Your son couldn't come. He sent his sister.'

'Congratulations. It's a latch key kid.'

'That's my girl. The one in the white uniform.'

I wish my baby came with suction cups so there was a place to put him while I shower.

'Oh, sure, the world gets a savior, and what do I get? Hemorrhoids the size of grapefruits!'

The Impractical Guide to Babies: 'Give us a toot...'

Two breasts: No waiting

"We offer free delivery if you spend over $15,000."

"Coming down the runway, Rachel is wearing corn flakes, a nursing bra, and the same maternity leggings from yesterday."

'Why should I? He didn't attend the conception.'

'Excuse me - could you please get out of my way - I've got a baby.'

"I'll hold the kid eventually. I just don't want it to develop a false sense of entitlement."

Shares in Headache tablets gone up since new baby was born.

Sex Education: "Here's one we prepared earlier..."

Your CV is rather thin...

'Do I need a pin number to make a withdrawal?'

Big book of daft names for kids.

'Congratulations. You're the father of two tax exemptions.'

'Relax, the most important thing is that he drinks his milk, not how.'

'This is a worry. No dipstick to measure how much milk is left.'

'Our infant daughter is veyr active and started to crawl. Do you have one with GPS?'