New Parents Chuckle Pillows

"On second thoughts let's stay in tonight...now that we have another mouth to feed."

'Well, he definitely has his father's... Er... Eyes.'

Beckett for Beginners: "Waiting for Thumbkin"

"I said, was... it... a... difficult... birth?"

I know, it's so hard not to laugh every time that kid crawls by wearing just a poop bag.

'BEEP! BEEP! Pregnant Lady Reversing!...'

'Congratulations Mr. Dumley, you have a lovely little thing...'

Cupid and stork ambush young couple.

'Oh Darling look. He's got your colour boogies!'

'Oh wonderful! All day I've been waiting for that burp!'

"I can hardly wait for him to start leading a life of quiet desperation."

'Mom, will the baby come with bundled software?'

'This might be a good time to discuss a few grievances.'

'I tried those once. They leaked.'

Husband and Child in Pram

They Removed my Brain.

Beware of teething baby.

'Sandra, I think the baby needs his oil changed.'

'That's my girl. The one in the white uniform.'

"Twins!...Who's the other father?"

'Your son couldn't come. He sent his sister.'

Twins

'I don't believe it - At school all my teachers said I was an underachiever!'

I'm not saying she's a gifted child, but she did write her own birth announcement.

"I think our bundle of joy needs his mommy, dear!"

'It's OK, being completely egocentric is perfectly normal for someone your age.'

'One small tooth for me...one giant worry for you.'

"When do I get my phone call"

"You went here instead of the maternity ward. Fortunately, we experts in delivery too!"

'Of course I respect him more than you - He's house trained!'

Mobile Phone Mobile.

"I had the strangest dream. I was suddenly in a room full of people, and I didn't have a stitch on."

Clearance sale. Everything must go!

"Did he sleep through the night again?"

"Dress it up all you want – it's still and invasion of my privacy."