New Parent Laugh-seeker Pillows

'Congratulations. You're the father of two tax exemptions.'

"Does knowing you're being watched on a baby monitor keep you out of mischief?"

'Well, he definitely has his father's... Er... Eyes.'

Beckett for Beginners: "Waiting for Thumbkin"

'Wow! Your kid looks a lot like you!'

'Good thing it has a child-proof cap.'

I know, it's so hard not to laugh every time that kid crawls by wearing just a poop bag.

Child Being Dirty in the Bath.

Cupid and stork ambush young couple.

'BEEP! BEEP! Pregnant Lady Reversing!...'

'Congratulations Mr. Dumley, you have a lovely little thing...'

'Oh Darling look. He's got your colour boogies!'

"I can hardly wait for him to start leading a life of quiet desperation."

'Oh wonderful! All day I've been waiting for that burp!'

Baby reading 'To do list'.

"This diaper makes my butt look big..."

Beware of teething baby.

'This might be a good time to discuss a few grievances.'

Husband and Child in Pram

They Removed my Brain.

'Mom, will the baby come with bundled software?'

Honey, Can You Buy Me Some Sanitary Towels?

A (P)ram.

A woman looks at greeting cards in a section entitled "New Pie".

'Sandra, I think the baby needs his oil changed.'

"Oh, she's got her father's male hormones"

'I don't believe it - At school all my teachers said I was an underachiever!'

I'm not saying she's a gifted child, but she did write her own birth announcement.

"Twins!...Who's the other father?"

Baby Bat Mobile

'Mum's water have broken and she's called the doctor. I may be wrong but I'd be calling the plumber!!'

Twins

Waaahhh. Please, Milo. Stop crying. Look, Milo. I'm making a funny face. Waah. I'm waving my arms in the air! Waah. I'm pouring burning coffee on my head. Waaah. Waaaaaaaahhh. Look at this dog. Isn't it disgusting and hairy wairy? Humiliating on every level. Giggle.

'That's my girl. The one in the white uniform.'

"I think our bundle of joy needs his mommy, dear!"