New Parent Laughs Pillows

'That's my girl. The one in the white uniform.'

"Does knowing you're being watched on a baby monitor keep you out of mischief?"

'Well, he definitely has his father's... Er... Eyes.'

'Wow! Your kid looks a lot like you!'

Beckett for Beginners: "Waiting for Thumbkin"

'Good thing it has a child-proof cap.'

"I said, was... it... a... difficult... birth?"

"Use your inside scream."

Child Being Dirty in the Bath.

I know, it's so hard not to laugh every time that kid crawls by wearing just a poop bag.

Cupid and stork ambush young couple.

'BEEP! BEEP! Pregnant Lady Reversing!...'

'Congratulations Mr. Dumley, you have a lovely little thing...'

'Oh Darling look. He's got your colour boogies!'

"I can hardly wait for him to start leading a life of quiet desperation."

'Oh wonderful! All day I've been waiting for that burp!'

Baby reading 'To do list'.

"This diaper makes my butt look big..."

A (P)ram.

Husband and Child in Pram

'This might be a good time to discuss a few grievances.'

Honey, Can You Buy Me Some Sanitary Towels?

'I tried those once. They leaked.'

Family.

'Mom, will the baby come with bundled software?'

They Removed my Brain.

Beware of teething baby.

A woman looks at greeting cards in a section entitled "New Pie".

"Oh, she's got her father's male hormones"

'Sandra, I think the baby needs his oil changed.'

'There's been no stopping him since he said his first word this morning!'

'Mum's water have broken and she's called the doctor. I may be wrong but I'd be calling the plumber!!'

"Twins!...Who's the other father?"

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Twins