New Parent Chuckles Gifts

THE REAL REASON WOMEN HAVE CAESARIANS

Your CV is rather thin...

Beckett for Beginners: "Waiting for Thumbkin"

"Use your inside scream."

"I said, was... it... a... difficult... birth?"

I know, it's so hard not to laugh every time that kid crawls by wearing just a poop bag.

'BEEP! BEEP! Pregnant Lady Reversing!...'

'Congratulations Mr. Dumley, you have a lovely little thing...'

Cupid and stork ambush young couple.

'Oh Darling look. He's got your colour boogies!'

"I can hardly wait for him to start leading a life of quiet desperation."

'Oh wonderful! All day I've been waiting for that burp!'

'Mom, will the baby come with bundled software?'

'This might be a good time to discuss a few grievances.'

Husband and Child in Pram

Beware of teething baby.

They Removed my Brain.

'I tried those once. They leaked.'

'Sandra, I think the baby needs his oil changed.'

'Your son couldn't come. He sent his sister.'

'Actually the twins are not hard to tell apart. When I put them down, the one that cries is Dennis.'

Twins

"Twins!...Who's the other father?"

'I don't believe it - At school all my teachers said I was an underachiever!'

"I think our bundle of joy needs his mommy, dear!"

'That's my girl. The one in the white uniform.'

I'm not saying she's a gifted child, but she did write her own birth announcement.

'It's OK, being completely egocentric is perfectly normal for someone your age.'

"You went here instead of the maternity ward. Fortunately, we experts in delivery too!"

"When do I get my phone call"

'One small tooth for me...one giant worry for you.'

Mobile Phone Mobile.

Clearance sale. Everything must go!

"Did he sleep through the night again?"

"Dress it up all you want – it's still and invasion of my privacy."