New Dad Humor Gifts

'Look, I think she recognised you!'

"... me being in the the plumbing trade, I sorted something out."

Gas Mask.

"It was a difficult delivery."

"From now on, just pillage."

Baby Teething.

A man outside of gents toilet sees sign: New Men - With Baby changing facilities.

"It's a Buoy!"

"Is he talking yet? I was hoping he could help me with my new phone."

'I've had some baby sized clubs made.'

'It's the chef's special. His wife just had a baby.'

"Does knowing you're being watched on a baby monitor keep you out of mischief?"

"It's so nice to finally put a face to the name."

'Well, he definitely has his father's... Er... Eyes.'

'Wow! Your kid looks a lot like you!'

Doughboy Dad

"That's mine!"

'We found you in a cabbage!'

'Good thing it has a child-proof cap.'

"It's a boy, ... and two girls, then another boy, another girl, and there more boys."

"You know what they say, there's one born every minute!"

'You've got the Vietnam 1000 yard stare. All new parents get it!'

'Oh, don't mind Jeff. It's just his turn to change the Baby's nappy.'

"You got the dolls yesterday? My mom says I took nine months!"

"Please doctor, hit him again. I need to get that ring-tone."

Child Being Dirty in the Bath.

'Congratulations! You're the proud father of three healthy, bouncing tax deductions!'

'BEEP! BEEP! Pregnant Lady Reversing!...'

"Which one's yours?"

"With the baby-cam, there is no privacy."

'Congratulations Mr. Dumley, you have a lovely little thing...'

"Which one's mine?"

Cupid and stork ambush young couple.

"I want to have at least two children - I have too much guilt to give for just one."

"It's a dependent!"