Baby Welcoming Humorist Gifts

'Receipt's in the basket.'

"The doctor wanted me to let you know that everything is fine, but your c-section didn't go quite as planned. it was more like a 'K' section..."

"Does knowing you're being watched on a baby monitor keep you out of mischief?"

"This should send the midwife off in a frenzy."

'Wow! Your kid looks a lot like you!'

'Good thing it has a child-proof cap.'

'I've drawn up a shortlist of baby names.'

Child Being Dirty in the Bath.

"It's nice but I'm starting to think we should just wait for his real hair to grow in."

'Hurry up: We've sprung a leak!'

Oh, sorry, it's in airplane mode.""

'Trust me, the term 'blissfully pregnant' is an oxymoron.'

The Mothership

Baby reading 'To do list'.

"They also left a pamphlet on the benefits of breast feeding."

"This diaper makes my butt look big..."

'Breasts can be so rude. So often they start without me.'

'No, I've not got names for them but I've got one for my husband!'

'WOW, congratulations, Ma'am! You're having Quads!'

'No hair or teeth, can't walk or talk -- she's kind of a starter kit.'

A (P)ram.

A woman looks at greeting cards in a section entitled "New Pie".

"Oh, she's got her father's male hormones"

Baby Teething Problems.

"Amazing. For the fifth consecutive month the polling shows I'm the most popular foetus here."

'Mum's water have broken and she's called the doctor. I may be wrong but I'd be calling the plumber!!'

'She'll open her eyes in a few days. I don't know about us.'

'Congratulations, its a six pound biker.'

'Congratulations. It's a latch key kid.'

Baby Bat Mobile

A dingo brings home another baby - 'You take it back right now... we still got the last one you brought home!'

'Looks like we'll have this one by C section."

"Childbirth just isn't keeping pace with modern marketing. We still don't come with a manufacturing warranty.

'No hair or teeth, can't walk or talk -- he's kind of a starter kit.'

"So! Who's the father?"