Baby On Board Humorist Gifts

'Well, it's a boy. And I think I can explain those sudden sharp pains in your rib cage.'

"The doctor wanted me to let you know that everything is fine, but your c-section didn't go quite as planned. it was more like a 'K' section..."

"Does knowing you're being watched on a baby monitor keep you out of mischief?"

Push Push Push: sign on maternity ward doors.

Crew Goofs Off While Out Of Sight

'Wow! Your kid looks a lot like you!'

'Good thing it has a child-proof cap.'

'I've drawn up a shortlist of baby names.'

Child Being Dirty in the Bath.

"It's nice but I'm starting to think we should just wait for his real hair to grow in."

"Mum's biological clock is ticking away...OOPS!...my mistake. That's indigestion."

'Trust me, the term 'blissfully pregnant' is an oxymoron.'

Pregnant Woman - "I think it's coming gift-wrapped."

Oh, sorry, it's in airplane mode.""

'Mom is feeling sick. She caught a baby.'

The Mothership

Baby reading 'To do list'.

"They also left a pamphlet on the benefits of breast feeding."

"This diaper makes my butt look big..."

'WOW, congratulations, Ma'am! You're having Quads!'

'Breasts can be so rude. So often they start without me.'

'No, I've not got names for them but I've got one for my husband!'

A (P)ram.

Newborn making the V-sign

A woman looks at greeting cards in a section entitled "New Pie".

"Oh, she's got her father's male hormones"

'She'll open her eyes in a few days. I don't know about us.'

'Congratulations. It's a latch key kid.'

Baby Teething Problems.

"Amazing. For the fifth consecutive month the polling shows I'm the most popular foetus here."

'Congratulations, its a six pound biker.'

Baby Bat Mobile

'Mum's water have broken and she's called the doctor. I may be wrong but I'd be calling the plumber!!'

'Looks like we'll have this one by C section."