Baby On Board Humorist Gifts

'Well, it's a boy. And I think I can explain those sudden sharp pains in your rib cage.'

"The doctor wanted me to let you know that everything is fine, but your c-section didn't go quite as planned. it was more like a 'K' section..."

"Does knowing you're being watched on a baby monitor keep you out of mischief?"

Push Push Push: sign on maternity ward doors.

Crew Goofs Off While Out Of Sight

'Wow! Your kid looks a lot like you!'

'Good thing it has a child-proof cap.'

'I've drawn up a shortlist of baby names.'

"It's nice but I'm starting to think we should just wait for his real hair to grow in."

Child Being Dirty in the Bath.

"Mum's biological clock is ticking away...OOPS!...my mistake. That's indigestion."

'Trust me, the term 'blissfully pregnant' is an oxymoron.'

Oh, sorry, it's in airplane mode.""

Pregnant Woman - "I think it's coming gift-wrapped."

"Mother and baby are doing well...Both are in a stable condition."

'Mom is feeling sick. She caught a baby.'

The Mothership

Baby reading 'To do list'.

"They also left a pamphlet on the benefits of breast feeding."

"This diaper makes my butt look big..."

'WOW, congratulations, Ma'am! You're having Quads!'

'No, I've not got names for them but I've got one for my husband!'

'Breasts can be so rude. So often they start without me.'

Newborn making the V-sign

A (P)ram.

A woman looks at greeting cards in a section entitled "New Pie".

"Oh, she's got her father's male hormones"

'Congratulations, its a six pound biker.'

'She'll open her eyes in a few days. I don't know about us.'

'Congratulations. It's a latch key kid.'

Baby Bat Mobile

"Amazing. For the fifth consecutive month the polling shows I'm the most popular foetus here."

We had to use my wife's pouch as a diaper bag.

Baby Teething Problems.

'Mum's water have broken and she's called the doctor. I may be wrong but I'd be calling the plumber!!'