Baby Welcoming Humorist Pillows

'Receipt's in the basket.'

"The doctor wanted me to let you know that everything is fine, but your c-section didn't go quite as planned. it was more like a 'K' section..."

"Does knowing you're being watched on a baby monitor keep you out of mischief?"

"This should send the midwife off in a frenzy."

'Wow! Your kid looks a lot like you!'

'Good thing it has a child-proof cap.'

'I've drawn up a shortlist of baby names.'

"It's nice but I'm starting to think we should just wait for his real hair to grow in."

Child Being Dirty in the Bath.

'Hurry up: We've sprung a leak!'

Oh, sorry, it's in airplane mode.""

'Trust me, the term 'blissfully pregnant' is an oxymoron.'

The Mothership

Baby reading 'To do list'.

"They also left a pamphlet on the benefits of breast feeding."

"This diaper makes my butt look big..."

'WOW, congratulations, Ma'am! You're having Quads!'

'No, I've not got names for them but I've got one for my husband!'

'Breasts can be so rude. So often they start without me.'

'No hair or teeth, can't walk or talk -- she's kind of a starter kit.'

A (P)ram.

A woman looks at greeting cards in a section entitled "New Pie".

"Oh, she's got her father's male hormones"

'She'll open her eyes in a few days. I don't know about us.'

Baby Teething Problems.

We had to use my wife's pouch as a diaper bag.

'Congratulations. It's a latch key kid.'

'Mum's water have broken and she's called the doctor. I may be wrong but I'd be calling the plumber!!'

"Amazing. For the fifth consecutive month the polling shows I'm the most popular foetus here."

A dingo brings home another baby - 'You take it back right now... we still got the last one you brought home!'

Baby Bat Mobile

'Congratulations, its a six pound biker.'

'Looks like we'll have this one by C section."

'Don't worry he doesn't want any. he's allergic to everything except straw stuffing.'

'No hair or teeth, can't walk or talk -- he's kind of a starter kit.'