Baby Comedian Pillows

Oh, sorry, it's in airplane mode.""

"If a third grader knows the answer, how much of a problem can it really be?"

Boy bringing home an octopus in a fish bowl.

'No hair or teeth, can't walk or talk -- he's kind of a starter kit.'

"This should send the midwife off in a frenzy."

"It's his emotional support animal."

'Rock.' - 'Paper.' - 'Boris.'

"Have you met my bodyguard?"

"It's nice but I'm starting to think we should just wait for his real hair to grow in."

Baby's book is titled: 'Dummies for Dummies.'

'It was a great birthday party till Jeffrey tried to fart his candles out.'

Fat Kid 17- Swallows the phone

Kid to kid: 'I can't be wearing out my welcome. I didn't even step on it.'

The Amazing Mr Sausage

Small boy teasing a priest by removing jesus from the cross and leaving a 'Back in five minutes' sign

"I'm sure he wasn't that big when we went out

'If you don't behave we'll unfreeze your stem cells!'

'Breasts can be so rude. So often they start without me.'

'Vegebals are poisonus says sciencetists'

'Going my way, gorgeous?'

'I thought I might try a bit of Stand-up.'

'I'm a loaf of bread.'

"No chance of accumulating frequent birthing points in here. This is the only trip I'll take."

'I guess I wasn't thinking. I bought a return ticket.'

'Congratulations, its a six pound biker.'

'Have you washed your hands?'

CCTV? Good grief, what do they think I'm going to vandalise in here??

'It's not fair 'Bogie'...they took away my video camera...did you ever hear them say anything about not hiding behind the shower curtain and filming visitors on the can?'

"Look! the poor kid's prematurely BALD!"

"Funny how they often look like little old men

'I don't feel that bad.'