Childbirth Comedian Pillows

'Would the father like to gnaw through the umbilical cord?'

Caution: False Contractions Ahead

"This should send the midwife off in a frenzy."

"Exercise ball? No thanks, I'm growing my own."

'Are you pregnant? How do you know? You look terrible!'

Push Push Push: sign on maternity ward doors.

'I've drawn up a shortlist of baby names.'

"Mother nature sure is confusing...she gives me a clothes line but no clothes!"

"It's nice but I'm starting to think we should just wait for his real hair to grow in."

"Mum's biological clock is ticking away...OOPS!...my mistake. That's indigestion."

Pregnant Woman - "I think it's coming gift-wrapped."

Oh, sorry, it's in airplane mode.""

'Are we there yet?.. Are we there yet?.. Are we there yet?..'

'If you don't behave we'll unfreeze your stem cells!'

'When will I start to look 'radiant and blooming'?'

'Breasts can be so rude. So often they start without me.'

Pelvis birth canal exit: Width restrictions apply.

'I'm a loaf of bread.'

'Looks like we'll have this one by C section."

"After 9 months floating here, instead of a birth certificate I should get a diver certification."

'Inverted nipple? It's probably just incredibly shy.'

The Impractical Guide to Having Babies: 'Could I examine your cervix?'

"Podca-a-a-a-a-a-ast!!!"

'Congratulations, it's a boy!'

'Why should I? He didn't attend the conception.'

"It's a birthing position, Dan. Quit yelling 'Hike.'"

'Two more months!...who's delivering this baby...the post office?'

'No, there's only one baby Mrs Kong, but it looks like a very big one!'

Pregnant Juliets nurse using police code to threaten Romeo

'Are you sure it's not out of your way?'

"The Remote."

Big book of daft names for kids.

"Vous avez pris rendez-vous?"