Pregnancy Comedians Pillows

'Are you pregnant? How do you know? You look terrible!'

"Exercise ball? No thanks, I'm growing my own."

No kicking: 12-6 Mon-Sun

"This should send the midwife off in a frenzy."

'I've drawn up a shortlist of baby names.'

"Don't be so dramatic. You tell me you're pregnant every day?"

"He looks like you, and he isn't even born yet."

The Elephant in the Womb

'Yes, the baby should arrive soon: Her nesting instinct is in overdrive!'

'You want Chinese food? Are you going to have a baby or something?'

'We're hoping to sell the naming rights.'

Congratulations! When are you due?

'Are we there yet?.. Are we there yet?.. Are we there yet?..'

"Nine months in here?? I trust I can get out in seven months with good behaviour!"

'This is boring. This uterus could sure do with a fast forward button.'

'When will I start to look 'radiant and blooming'?'

"Six down, three to go!!"

"I'm sorry, but we're not an online retailer. We can't guarantee delivery in 2 days."

"At which trimester will I be able to communicate with my baby via text?"

"After 9 months floating here, instead of a birth certificate I should get a diver certification."

Caution: False Contractions Ahead

Maternity Wing Sign: Please Wait To Push

'That's the most extreme linear nigra I've ever seen!!'

Pregnant vs. Old.

The Impractical Guide to Having Babies: 'Could I examine your cervix?'

'Houdini's mother had an odd and difficult pregnancy.' 'Oh no. He's gone again!'

101 Placenta Recipes

The future Muhammad Ali about to be conceived.

Lamaze. I'm sorry, no, we' don't offer any "Gifted Fetus" programs.

'Why should I? He didn't attend the conception.'

'Looks like Tungor's wife's waters have broken.'

"It's a birthing position, Dan. Quit yelling 'Hike.'"

The Last Few Weeks of Pregnancy.

The baby's really been moving round today.

'Two more months!...who's delivering this baby...the post office?'