Pregnancy Comedy Fan Pillows

The baby's really been moving round today.

"Exercise ball? No thanks, I'm growing my own."

'Are you pregnant? How do you know? You look terrible!'

No kicking: 12-6 Mon-Sun

'Ever since I've started showing, my husband has affectionately called me 'Three Humps'...'

Maternity Ward

"Don't be so dramatic. You tell me you're pregnant every day?"

"He looks like you, and he isn't even born yet."

'Yes, the baby should arrive soon: Her nesting instinct is in overdrive!'

'We're hoping to sell the naming rights.'

'You want Chinese food? Are you going to have a baby or something?'

'Are we there yet?.. Are we there yet?.. Are we there yet?..'

Welcome to the uterus. Please be seated. Your mother will be with you in nine months.

"Nine months in here?? I trust I can get out in seven months with good behaviour!"

'This is boring. This uterus could sure do with a fast forward button.'

'When will I start to look 'radiant and blooming'?'

"Six down, three to go!!"

"I'm sorry, but we're not an online retailer. We can't guarantee delivery in 2 days."

'Which one is yours?'

"At which trimester will I be able to communicate with my baby via text?"

"After 9 months floating here, instead of a birth certificate I should get a diver certification."

Caution: False Contractions Ahead

Maternity Wing Sign: Please Wait To Push

"If mum's aerobic classes are to continue I'll need a passenger safety airbag fitted!"

Pregnant vs. Old.

The Impractical Guide to Having Babies: 'Could I examine your cervix?'

'Looks like Tungor's wife's waters have broken.'

'Houdini's mother had an odd and difficult pregnancy.' 'Oh no. He's gone again!'

"Podca-a-a-a-a-a-ast!!!"

The future Muhammad Ali about to be conceived.

The Last Few Weeks of Pregnancy.

Lamaze. I'm sorry, no, we' don't offer any "Gifted Fetus" programs.

101 Placenta Recipes

"It's a birthing position, Dan. Quit yelling 'Hike.'"

'Two more months!...who's delivering this baby...the post office?'