Pregnancy Comedians Gifts

'Are you pregnant? How do you know? You look terrible!'

"Exercise ball? No thanks, I'm growing my own."

No kicking: 12-6 Mon-Sun

"This should send the midwife off in a frenzy."

'I've drawn up a shortlist of baby names.'

"He looks like you, and he isn't even born yet."

"Don't be so dramatic. You tell me you're pregnant every day?"

The Elephant in the Womb

'Yes, the baby should arrive soon: Her nesting instinct is in overdrive!'

'You want Chinese food? Are you going to have a baby or something?'

'We're hoping to sell the naming rights.'

'Are we there yet?.. Are we there yet?.. Are we there yet?..'

"Nine months in here?? I trust I can get out in seven months with good behaviour!"

'This is boring. This uterus could sure do with a fast forward button.'

'When will I start to look 'radiant and blooming'?'

"Six down, three to go!!"

"I'm sorry, but we're not an online retailer. We can't guarantee delivery in 2 days."

"At which trimester will I be able to communicate with my baby via text?"

Caution: False Contractions Ahead

"After 9 months floating here, instead of a birth certificate I should get a diver certification."

Maternity Wing Sign: Please Wait To Push

'That's the most extreme linear nigra I've ever seen!!'

Pregnant vs. Old.

The Impractical Guide to Having Babies: 'Could I examine your cervix?'

'Houdini's mother had an odd and difficult pregnancy.' 'Oh no. He's gone again!'

101 Placenta Recipes

'Why should I? He didn't attend the conception.'

"It's a birthing position, Dan. Quit yelling 'Hike.'"

The Last Few Weeks of Pregnancy.

'Looks like Tungor's wife's waters have broken.'

'Two more months!...who's delivering this baby...the post office?'

'Are you sure it's not out of your way?'