Baby Humorist Pillows

We had to use my wife's pouch as a diaper bag.

"Which one is yours?"

"It's nice but I'm starting to think we should just wait for his real hair to grow in."

'No hair or teeth, can't walk or talk -- he's kind of a starter kit.'

"This should send the midwife off in a frenzy."

"It's his emotional support animal."

"Have you met my bodyguard?"

Baby's book is titled: 'Dummies for Dummies.'

Fat Kid 17- Swallows the phone

Oh, sorry, it's in airplane mode.""

'Mom is feeling sick. She caught a baby.'

"I'm sure he wasn't that big when we went out

'Breasts can be so rude. So often they start without me.'

'No hair or teeth, can't walk or talk -- she's kind of a starter kit.'

Newborn making the V-sign

'I thought I might try a bit of Stand-up.'

'I guess I wasn't thinking. I bought a return ticket.'

"No chance of accumulating frequent birthing points in here. This is the only trip I'll take."

'I'm a loaf of bread.'

Gangster Babies

A dingo brings home another baby - 'You take it back right now... we still got the last one you brought home!'

'Congratulations, its a six pound biker.'

CCTV? Good grief, what do they think I'm going to vandalise in here??

"Look! the poor kid's prematurely BALD!"

Fat Kid 18- Makes lego dentures

"Funny how they often look like little old men

Clearance sale. Everything must go!

"'Waaaaah, waaaaah!' is not an answer!"

"It was dark, damp and cramped - why did you lock me in there for nine months??!..."

"Gee, my first man cave!"

"Who do you have to know around here to get a fluffy?"

"One last question, where's its mute button?"

'Isn't he a little young for sideburns?'

"Baby FOMO."

'Wait a minute...what am I doing? I can't count yet.'