Baby Humorist Pillows

"It's nice but I'm starting to think we should just wait for his real hair to grow in."

'No hair or teeth, can't walk or talk -- he's kind of a starter kit.'

"It's his emotional support animal."

"This should send the midwife off in a frenzy."

"Have you met my bodyguard?"

Baby's book is titled: 'Dummies for Dummies.'

Oh, sorry, it's in airplane mode.""

Fat Kid 17- Swallows the phone

'Mom is feeling sick. She caught a baby.'

"I'm sure he wasn't that big when we went out

'Breasts can be so rude. So often they start without me.'

Newborn making the V-sign

'No hair or teeth, can't walk or talk -- she's kind of a starter kit.'

'I thought I might try a bit of Stand-up.'

'Congratulations, its a six pound biker.'

"No chance of accumulating frequent birthing points in here. This is the only trip I'll take."

A dingo brings home another baby - 'You take it back right now... we still got the last one you brought home!'

'I guess I wasn't thinking. I bought a return ticket.'

'I'm a loaf of bread.'

CCTV? Good grief, what do they think I'm going to vandalise in here??

"Look! the poor kid's prematurely BALD!"

"Funny how they often look like little old men

Clearance sale. Everything must go!

Fat Kid 18- Makes lego dentures

"Baby FOMO."

"One last question, where's its mute button?"

'Isn't he a little young for sideburns?'

"It was dark, damp and cramped - why did you lock me in there for nine months??!..."

"Gee, my first man cave!"

"Who do you have to know around here to get a fluffy?"

'Wait a minute...what am I doing? I can't count yet.'

'She just got her first credit card application in the mail.'

Please queue here for contraction service.

'Thank you...and now could I trouble you for a ham on rye?'