Baby Humor Enthusiast Pillows

'Wait a minute...what am I doing? I can't count yet.'

Please queue here for contraction service.

'I thought I might try a bit of Stand-up.'

Fat Kid 18- Makes lego dentures

'You can really hold your drink.'

'Mum's tired of carrying all this extra weight. I'd throw something out but there's only me!!'

'I guess I wasn't thinking. I bought a return ticket.'

"He's the spitting image of his Daddy!"

"Look! the poor kid's prematurely BALD!"

"Have you met my bodyguard?"

He was such a big baby the doctor wished he'd never smacked him.

"No chance of accumulating frequent birthing points in here. This is the only trip I'll take."

Mum and baby both have pacifier.

'No hair or teeth, can't walk or talk -- he's kind of a starter kit.'

"This should send the midwife off in a frenzy."

"It's his emotional support animal."

"It's nice but I'm starting to think we should just wait for his real hair to grow in."

Baby's book is titled: 'Dummies for Dummies.'

Fat Kid 17- Swallows the phone

"I'm sure he wasn't that big when we went out

'It's a book, Sweetie - it doesn't have any ram!'

'What are you in for?'

'Breasts can be so rude. So often they start without me.'

"The kids have stopped saying 'are we there yet?'"

Please Wait Here To Be Scolded

'No hair or teeth, can't walk or talk -- she's kind of a starter kit.'

'When the baby sitter gets a standing ovation, I don't know whether to be pleasantly surprised or suspicious.'

Newborn making the V-sign

'Ooopsss! I did it again.'

A dingo brings home another baby - 'You take it back right now... we still got the last one you brought home!'

'Congratulations, its a six pound biker.'

'They sort of grow on you.'

Mother tells son, who is watching DVDs: 'No, I don't think we need a 'national debate' on the issue of bedtime.'

CCTV? Good grief, what do they think I'm going to vandalise in here??

'Can we wait up and watch daddy bleed?'