Baby Humor Fan Pillows

Criminal Profiling ID Parade

"Ahh, mother's milk."

Fat Kid 17- Swallows the phone

"Who do you have to know around here to get a fluffy?"

Baby's book is titled: 'Dummies for Dummies.'

"It was dark, damp and cramped - why did you lock me in there for nine months??!..."

"Your children are adorable...and so shiny!" "Thanks. I them in dish detergent."

'No hair or teeth, can't walk or talk -- he's kind of a starter kit.'

"I need to know who started it."

'Ever since I've started showing, my husband has affectionately called me 'Three Humps'...'

"It's his emotional support animal."

"It's nice but I'm starting to think we should just wait for his real hair to grow in."

"Have you met my bodyguard?"

Maternity Ward

Oh, sorry, it's in airplane mode.""

Chilly baby.

'Push, dear! The child will be late for pre-school!'

"I'm sure he wasn't that big when we went out

'Please tell me I'm adopted.'

"Sure, Mom, I'll eat first, but then can we discuss my 'overseas adoption'?"

'I did tell you there were speed bumps in this via.'

Newborn making the V-sign

'Go on Darling, play in the soil-pit for a while...'

'No hair or teeth, can't walk or talk -- she's kind of a starter kit.'

"Michael, do your dinner."

'I thought I might try a bit of Stand-up.'

"Is this because I didn’t eat my kale?"

"No arguing mister! I want you to eat at least one pea!"

"The kids told me it was a magic wand."

A dingo brings home another baby - 'You take it back right now... we still got the last one you brought home!'

"What happens if you get the headphones in the wrong ear?"

'My mom invented baths!'

"This dog has wheels!"

'Until I met your Mom, yes.'

'I guess I wasn't thinking. I bought a return ticket.'