Baby Humor Pillows

'She just got her first credit card application in the mail.'

CCTV? Good grief, what do they think I'm going to vandalise in here??

'No hair or teeth, can't walk or talk -- he's kind of a starter kit.'

"It's his emotional support animal."

"This should send the midwife off in a frenzy."

"It's nice but I'm starting to think we should just wait for his real hair to grow in."

"Have you met my bodyguard?"

Baby's book is titled: 'Dummies for Dummies.'

Fat Kid 17- Swallows the phone

Oh, sorry, it's in airplane mode.""

"I'm sure he wasn't that big when we went out

'Breasts can be so rude. So often they start without me.'

Newborn making the V-sign

'No hair or teeth, can't walk or talk -- she's kind of a starter kit.'

'I thought I might try a bit of Stand-up.'

A dingo brings home another baby - 'You take it back right now... we still got the last one you brought home!'

"No chance of accumulating frequent birthing points in here. This is the only trip I'll take."

'I guess I wasn't thinking. I bought a return ticket.'

"I'm training him."

"Look! the poor kid's prematurely BALD!"

Fat Kid 18- Makes lego dentures

'No hair or teeth, can't walk or talk -- he's kind of a starter kit.'

Clearance sale. Everything must go!

'Peel is sleeping badly.' - 'He seems very bright.' - 'Yes.' - 'Bright babies often sleep badly.' - 'Waaaaah!' - 'I want a thick baby.' - 'Zzzzzzz'

"It was dark, damp and cramped - why did you lock me in there for nine months??!..."

"Baby FOMO."

'Isn't he a little young for sideburns?'

"Who do you have to know around here to get a fluffy?"

"Gee, my first man cave!"

Baby Going to Toilet on Father.

"One last question, where's its mute button?"

'Wait a minute...what am I doing? I can't count yet.'

'No, I don't think it a cute idea! Get rid of him and turn in your supearvisor's uniform!'

"Wouldn't a teething ring be better than a house-brick?"