Baby Comedy Fans Pillows

'No hair or teeth, can't walk or talk -- he's kind of a starter kit.'

"It's his emotional support animal."

"It's nice but I'm starting to think we should just wait for his real hair to grow in."

"Have you met my bodyguard?"

Oh, sorry, it's in airplane mode.""

Fat Kid 17- Swallows the phone

Baby's book is titled: 'Dummies for Dummies.'

Therapy for babies.

"I'm sure he wasn't that big when we went out

"Remember this about new babysitters - making rules and enforcing them are two different things.".

Spider boy

'When the baby sitter gets a standing ovation, I don't know whether to be pleasantly surprised or suspicious.'

Honey, Can You Buy Me Some Sanitary Towels?

"My homework? It was super easy today. I drew a dragon and daddy did Math."

Newborn making the V-sign

'No hair or teeth, can't walk or talk -- she's kind of a starter kit.'

'I thought I might try a bit of Stand-up.'

'I'm a loaf of bread.'

"No chance of accumulating frequent birthing points in here. This is the only trip I'll take."

'I guess I wasn't thinking. I bought a return ticket.'

A dingo brings home another baby - 'You take it back right now... we still got the last one you brought home!'

CCTV? Good grief, what do they think I'm going to vandalise in here??

"Funny how they often look like little old men

Fat Kid 18- Makes lego dentures

"Look! the poor kid's prematurely BALD!"

'Isn't he a little young for sideburns?'

"Baby FOMO."

"Who do you have to know around here to get a fluffy?"

"Podca-a-a-a-a-a-ast!!!"

"Holiday time around our house is a nightmare."

"One last question, where's its mute button?"