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Gangster Babies

'No hair or teeth, can't walk or talk -- he's kind of a starter kit.'

"It's his emotional support animal."

"Have you met my bodyguard?"

"It's nice but I'm starting to think we should just wait for his real hair to grow in."

Oh, sorry, it's in airplane mode.""

Fat Kid 17- Swallows the phone

Baby's book is titled: 'Dummies for Dummies.'

Therapy for babies.

"Remember this about new babysitters - making rules and enforcing them are two different things.".

"I'm sure he wasn't that big when we went out

Spider boy

Newborn making the V-sign

'Yes, I'm proud to say all my kids went into boot camp as soon as they left home.'

'When the baby sitter gets a standing ovation, I don't know whether to be pleasantly surprised or suspicious.'

'No hair or teeth, can't walk or talk -- she's kind of a starter kit.'

Honey, Can You Buy Me Some Sanitary Towels?

"My homework? It was super easy today. I drew a dragon and daddy did Math."

'I thought I might try a bit of Stand-up.'

"No chance of accumulating frequent birthing points in here. This is the only trip I'll take."

We had to use my wife's pouch as a diaper bag.

A dingo brings home another baby - 'You take it back right now... we still got the last one you brought home!'

'I guess I wasn't thinking. I bought a return ticket.'

'I'm a loaf of bread.'

CCTV? Good grief, what do they think I'm going to vandalise in here??

Fat Kid 18- Makes lego dentures

"Look! the poor kid's prematurely BALD!"

"Funny how they often look like little old men

"It was dark, damp and cramped - why did you lock me in there for nine months??!..."

"Which one is yours?"

"One last question, where's its mute button?"

'Isn't he a little young for sideburns?'

"Baby FOMO."

"Holiday time around our house is a nightmare."

"Who do you have to know around here to get a fluffy?"