Pregnancy Humor Gifts

'We'd like a table near a doctor.'

"Exercise ball? No thanks, I'm growing my own."

'Are you pregnant? How do you know? You look terrible!'

No kicking: 12-6 Mon-Sun

'As you're pregnant, I suppose you are eating for two? Or don't you want to cut down that much?'

"He looks like you, and he isn't even born yet."

"Don't be so dramatic. You tell me you're pregnant every day?"

The Elephant in the Womb

'Yes, the baby should arrive soon: Her nesting instinct is in overdrive!'

'Here's one I made earlier!'

'You want Chinese food? Are you going to have a baby or something?'

'We're hoping to sell the naming rights.'

'Are we there yet?.. Are we there yet?.. Are we there yet?..'

Welcome to the uterus. Please be seated. Your mother will be with you in nine months.

"Nine months in here?? I trust I can get out in seven months with good behaviour!"

'When will I start to look 'radiant and blooming'?'

'This is boring. This uterus could sure do with a fast forward button.'

"Six down, three to go!!"

"I'm sorry, but we're not an online retailer. We can't guarantee delivery in 2 days."

Maternity ward on the farm.

Maternity ward (door sign.. push push).

"At which trimester will I be able to communicate with my baby via text?"

"After 9 months floating here, instead of a birth certificate I should get a diver certification."

Maternity Wing Sign: Please Wait To Push

'That's the most extreme linear nigra I've ever seen!!'

"Hard to tell...He was wearing a mask."

Caution: False Contractions Ahead

'I already have four girls. I picked out the names for this one. If I give birth to a girl...Jennifer. If it's a boy...hooray!'

"If mum's aerobic classes are to continue I'll need a passenger safety airbag fitted!"

"I told you I was too old to have a baby."

Pregnant vs. Old.

The Impractical Guide to Having Babies: 'Could I examine your cervix?'

'Looks like Tungor's wife's waters have broken.'

"It's a birthing position, Dan. Quit yelling 'Hike.'"

'Houdini's mother had an odd and difficult pregnancy.' 'Oh no. He's gone again!'