Pregnancy Humor Gifts

'We'd like a table near a doctor.'

"Exercise ball? No thanks, I'm growing my own."

'Are you pregnant? How do you know? You look terrible!'

No kicking: 12-6 Mon-Sun

'As you're pregnant, I suppose you are eating for two? Or don't you want to cut down that much?'

"Don't be so dramatic. You tell me you're pregnant every day?"

The Elephant in the Womb

"He looks like you, and he isn't even born yet."

'Yes, the baby should arrive soon: Her nesting instinct is in overdrive!'

'We're hoping to sell the naming rights.'

'Here's one I made earlier!'

'You want Chinese food? Are you going to have a baby or something?'

'Are we there yet?.. Are we there yet?.. Are we there yet?..'

Welcome to the uterus. Please be seated. Your mother will be with you in nine months.

"Nine months in here?? I trust I can get out in seven months with good behaviour!"

'This is boring. This uterus could sure do with a fast forward button.'

'When will I start to look 'radiant and blooming'?'

"Six down, three to go!!"

"I'm sorry, but we're not an online retailer. We can't guarantee delivery in 2 days."

Maternity ward on the farm.

Maternity ward (door sign.. push push).

"At which trimester will I be able to communicate with my baby via text?"

Maternity Wing Sign: Please Wait To Push

'That's the most extreme linear nigra I've ever seen!!'

Caution: False Contractions Ahead

'I already have four girls. I picked out the names for this one. If I give birth to a girl...Jennifer. If it's a boy...hooray!'

"If mum's aerobic classes are to continue I'll need a passenger safety airbag fitted!"

"Hard to tell...He was wearing a mask."

"After 9 months floating here, instead of a birth certificate I should get a diver certification."

"I told you I was too old to have a baby."

Pregnant vs. Old.

The Impractical Guide to Having Babies: 'Could I examine your cervix?'

'Houdini's mother had an odd and difficult pregnancy.' 'Oh no. He's gone again!'

"It's a birthing position, Dan. Quit yelling 'Hike.'"

101 Placenta Recipes