Maternity Comedy Enthusiast Gifts

"Well, finally. You certainly took your sweet time getting here."

"Exercise ball? No thanks, I'm growing my own."

'Are you pregnant? How do you know? You look terrible!'

No kicking: 12-6 Mon-Sun

Push Push Push: sign on maternity ward doors.

'Ever since I've started showing, my husband has affectionately called me 'Three Humps'...'

'I've drawn up a shortlist of baby names.'

"On no, the baby's breach!!"

"Mother nature sure is confusing...she gives me a clothes line but no clothes!"

Maternity Ward

Womb service: A special room service for pregnant Women

The Elephant in the Womb

"Don't be so dramatic. You tell me you're pregnant every day?"

"Mum's biological clock is ticking away...OOPS!...my mistake. That's indigestion."

Pregnant Woman - "I think it's coming gift-wrapped."

'You want Chinese food? Are you going to have a baby or something?'

'We're hoping to sell the naming rights.'

'Are we there yet?.. Are we there yet?.. Are we there yet?..'

"Nine months in here?? I trust I can get out in seven months with good behaviour!"

'When will I start to look 'radiant and blooming'?'

'This is boring. This uterus could sure do with a fast forward button.'

"Six down, three to go!!"

"I'm sorry, but we're not an online retailer. We can't guarantee delivery in 2 days."

Maternity ward (door sign.. push push).

Maternity ward on the farm.

'Looks like we'll have this one by C section."

Caution: False Contractions Ahead

"After 9 months floating here, instead of a birth certificate I should get a diver certification."

"Hard to tell...He was wearing a mask."

Maternity Wing Sign: Please Wait To Push

"I told you I was too old to have a baby."

The Impractical Guide to Having Babies: 'Could I examine your cervix?'

"It's a birthing position, Dan. Quit yelling 'Hike.'"