Mommy Humorist Gifts

"You could say that. I had a D-section."

"I only travelled with my umbilical cord!"

"The doctor wanted me to let you know that everything is fine, but your c-section didn't go quite as planned. it was more like a 'K' section..."

"Your mother called to remind you to diversify."

Push Push Push: sign on maternity ward doors.

'I've drawn up a shortlist of baby names.'

The Impractical Guide to having a baby.

'The cool thing about being a kangaroo is that I can actually watch my baby grow...'

"Mum's biological clock is ticking away...OOPS!...my mistake. That's indigestion."

Pregnant Woman - "I think it's coming gift-wrapped."

'Mom is feeling sick. She caught a baby.'

The Mothership

'I think it may be a limited edition.'

"They also left a pamphlet on the benefits of breast feeding."

'Breastfeeding twins doesn't sound that hard to me...'

'No, I've not got names for them but I've got one for my husband!'

'Congratulations. It's a latch key kid.'

'Oooh, I love what you've done with your hair...That top looks lovely on you and have you lost weight?'

'Would you like your ultrasound photos standard, high definition, 3-D, or 4K ultra HD?'

'Oh, sure, the world gets a savior, and what do I get? Hemorrhoids the size of grapefruits!'

'The more you drink the more I produce.'

"Don't you dare ask me again...ARE WE THERE YET??"

'I forgot to bring diapers. We were a long way from refreshing.'

'I sentence you to hard labor.'

'And she's got the gall to call me chubby.' - Hubert's comment on a pregnancy.

'The noise is terrible and the view is horrible. So much for good working conditions.'

How Moms Explain

'Why should I? He didn't attend the conception.'

'I've had so many caesareans, I've got a zip.'

Pre-Traumatic Stress Disorder

"Got any cravings?"

'Do you think he's starting to out grow the pram?'

Big book of daft names for kids.

I thought I'd help your IBS by introducing you to more bacteria.