Busy Mom Humorist Gifts

'Mom says she's too busy to read anything right now so I'll just sign her name to my report card.'

"I only travelled with my umbilical cord!"

"Honey, you're spoiling that child."

"The doctor wanted me to let you know that everything is fine, but your c-section didn't go quite as planned. it was more like a 'K' section..."

Push Push Push: sign on maternity ward doors.

'I've drawn up a shortlist of baby names.'

"I'm exempt from the company fitness program. I have triplets at home."

'The cool thing about being a kangaroo is that I can actually watch my baby grow...'

The Impractical Guide to having a baby.

"Mum's biological clock is ticking away...OOPS!...my mistake. That's indigestion."

Pregnant Woman - "I think it's coming gift-wrapped."

The Mothership

Mom simultaneously feeds baby his bottle, and husband his.

'I think it may be a limited edition.'

"They also left a pamphlet on the benefits of breast feeding."

'Breastfeeding twins doesn't sound that hard to me...'

'No, I've not got names for them but I've got one for my husband!'

'Congratulations. It's a latch key kid.'

'Oooh, I love what you've done with your hair...That top looks lovely on you and have you lost weight?'

'Before you return Principal Harris's phone call, I would like to remind you that having a 'living' dependant is an excellent tax deduction.'

'Looks like we'll have this one by C section."

'Would you like your ultrasound photos standard, high definition, 3-D, or 4K ultra HD?'

'Oh, sure, the world gets a savior, and what do I get? Hemorrhoids the size of grapefruits!'

'The more you drink the more I produce.'

'Why should I? He didn't attend the conception.'

"You could say that. I had a D-section."

'When you have boys, you need 'presoak'.'

'I sentence you to hard labor.'

'And she's got the gall to call me chubby.' - Hubert's comment on a pregnancy.

'The noise is terrible and the view is horrible. So much for good working conditions.'

"Don't you dare ask me again...ARE WE THERE YET??"

'It looks like your son hasn't changed his underwear in a year,'

'I've had so many caesareans, I've got a zip.'

Pre-Traumatic Stress Disorder

'No, there's only one baby Mrs Kong, but it looks like a very big one!'