Mom Life Humorist Gifts

'Oooh, I love what you've done with your hair...That top looks lovely on you and have you lost weight?'

"I only travelled with my umbilical cord!"

"The doctor wanted me to let you know that everything is fine, but your c-section didn't go quite as planned. it was more like a 'K' section..."

"Your mother called to remind you to diversify."

Push Push Push: sign on maternity ward doors.

'I've drawn up a shortlist of baby names.'

The Impractical Guide to having a baby.

'The cool thing about being a kangaroo is that I can actually watch my baby grow...'

"The couch hates me Jane!"

"Mum's biological clock is ticking away...OOPS!...my mistake. That's indigestion."

Pregnant Woman - "I think it's coming gift-wrapped."

"Mother and baby are doing well...Both are in a stable condition."

The Mothership

'All I want for Christmas is my old shape back again.'

"You're good mum. But, Billy's mum is a better cook than you. She only knows how to make chocolate cake."

"They're clean Mum, I washed them yesterday."

'I think it may be a limited edition.'

"They also left a pamphlet on the benefits of breast feeding."

Attack of the 65 - Inch Woman

'Breastfeeding twins doesn't sound that hard to me...'

'No, I've not got names for them but I've got one for my husband!'

'Before you return Principal Harris's phone call, I would like to remind you that having a 'living' dependant is an excellent tax deduction.'

'Congratulations. It's a latch key kid.'

'I think this mother might prefer a different planter.'

"I'm disabling autocorrect, because it reminds me too much of my mother-in-law."

"You missed breakfast and lunch and haven't left your bed so it's not worth you getting up now. Good night!"

"We have big news!"

'If you're such a great dad, how come I never see you on TELEVISION?'

Scooting Death

Even before we began to order in, my dad was always keen to skip the dishes!

Eat your vegetables

'Oh, sure, the world gets a savior, and what do I get? Hemorrhoids the size of grapefruits!'

"I agree, it's a real worry. We may have to consider limiting her screen time."

'The more you drink the more I produce.'

"I told you a pet is a lot of responsibility. Now, take your balloon dog out for some air."