Mom Life Humorist Pillows

'Oooh, I love what you've done with your hair...That top looks lovely on you and have you lost weight?'

"I only travelled with my umbilical cord!"

"The doctor wanted me to let you know that everything is fine, but your c-section didn't go quite as planned. it was more like a 'K' section..."

"Your mother called to remind you to diversify."

Push Push Push: sign on maternity ward doors.

'I've drawn up a shortlist of baby names.'

'The cool thing about being a kangaroo is that I can actually watch my baby grow...'

"The couch hates me Jane!"

The Impractical Guide to having a baby.

"Mum's biological clock is ticking away...OOPS!...my mistake. That's indigestion."

Pregnant Woman - "I think it's coming gift-wrapped."

The Mothership

'I think it may be a limited edition.'

'All I want for Christmas is my old shape back again.'

"They're clean Mum, I washed them yesterday."

"You're good mum. But, Billy's mum is a better cook than you. She only knows how to make chocolate cake."

"They also left a pamphlet on the benefits of breast feeding."

Attack of the 65 - Inch Woman

'No, I've not got names for them but I've got one for my husband!'

'Breastfeeding twins doesn't sound that hard to me...'

'Congratulations. It's a latch key kid.'

'Before you return Principal Harris's phone call, I would like to remind you that having a 'living' dependant is an excellent tax deduction.'

'I think this mother might prefer a different planter.'

"I'm disabling autocorrect, because it reminds me too much of my mother-in-law."

"You missed breakfast and lunch and haven't left your bed so it's not worth you getting up now. Good night!"

Even before we began to order in, my dad was always keen to skip the dishes!

'If you're such a great dad, how come I never see you on TELEVISION?'

Eat your vegetables

Scooting Death

"We have big news!"

'Oh, sure, the world gets a savior, and what do I get? Hemorrhoids the size of grapefruits!'

"I agree, it's a real worry. We may have to consider limiting her screen time."

'The more you drink the more I produce.'

"I told you a pet is a lot of responsibility. Now, take your balloon dog out for some air."

"Turn off the TV and go to bed - I'm your mother, and I approved this message."