Motherhood Humor Enthusiast Gifts

I have this overwhelming urge to have kids

Mum and baby both have pacifier.

"Your mother called to remind you to diversify."

'Ever since I've started showing, my husband has affectionately called me 'Three Humps'...'

'I've drawn up a shortlist of baby names.'

"On no, the baby's breach!!"

'The cool thing about being a kangaroo is that I can actually watch my baby grow...'

Maternity Ward

Womb service: A special room service for pregnant Women

'Mom is feeling sick. She caught a baby.'

'I think it may be a limited edition.'

'All I want for Christmas is my old shape back again.'

'It's a book, Sweetie - it doesn't have any ram!'

'What are you in for?'

'Breastfeeding twins doesn't sound that hard to me...'

"The kids have stopped saying 'are we there yet?'"

Please Wait Here To Be Scolded

'When the baby sitter gets a standing ovation, I don't know whether to be pleasantly surprised or suspicious.'

'Ooopsss! I did it again.'

'Before you return Principal Harris's phone call, I would like to remind you that having a 'living' dependant is an excellent tax deduction.'

"It's a special place where they check the eyes in the back of their heads."

"My kid said his first two words and you know what he said; 'I'll sue.'."

'Which one is yours?'

'Oooh, I love what you've done with your hair...That top looks lovely on you and have you lost weight?'

'They sort of grow on you.'

Mother tells son, who is watching DVDs: 'No, I don't think we need a 'national debate' on the issue of bedtime.'

The top half is formula. The bottom half is milk.

"I thought we talked about this."

'Mum said I take after your side of the family, Dad!'

No, I'm not going to cut the crust off of it for you.

'I think i cried myself inside out!'

'Can we wait up and watch daddy bleed?'

"All right! We'll hear the pester-power figures next."

'I wish you hadn't shown Daddy the lovely Mother's day present you bought me. I haven't told him I'm pregnant yet!'

'The more you drink the more I produce.'