Parenting Humorist Gifts

"I wouldn't worry about his communication skills...grunting is quite normal at his age."

'Dude, don't do it. Somewhere down the road it will lead to chores.'

'You'll have to excuse George: he suffers from perfectly normal child disorder.'

'How can we prevent preganancy? We don't even know what causes it.'

'His lawyer wants his time-out reduced to ten minutes, time served.'

'With Jesse Caldwell's family moving out of town, I've been promoted in the playground pecking order.'

'Hey, half my chromosomes are YOURS, you know.'

Baby escaped crib with saw.

Woman with brattish children at Egg Donnor clinic - "We don't need any more eggs at the moment."

'I'm just exercising my first amendment rights.'

'For the last time - don't throw him in the air so roughly!'

"It's Mother's Day, let us order the takeout."

Child on a schedule.

'Don't give me that 'Protected Species' excuse: You've been naughty, you'll be punished!'

"See? I told you our yard was too small for a swing set."

'No need to wear your seatbelt, son. If you crash my car, you won't want to live.'

"Your father and I have come to believe that incarceration is sometimes the only appropriate punishment."

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: 'Nurse forgets her husband's birthday'

Sports car style baby buggy.

"It's nothing to worry about. He just seems to be experiencing a growth spurt."

'-are you sure your mother didn't write this?'

Big Mother is Watching You

A hen pushes a egg carton on wheels containing her chicks.

'Great drink! You really should advertise more.'

'Simple case of gravity, mom.'

Baby's first thought...Daddy's a moron.

'Come on Mummy, please let me eat this rotten gooey disgusting thing!'

'Timmy, stop being naughty: Don't sit up straight!'

'Here's my report card and here's my personal disclaimer.'

"Have we considered home schooling, if only for the less parental involvement?"

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: 'Dad tries singing to baby'

"He doesn't really talk yet, but he does some sound bites."

Toddler NO shirt - 'Saves time.'

'May I have a word with you?'

'Hey Doreen - Justin has got 95% for truancy!'