Parenting Humorist Gifts

"I wouldn't worry about his communication skills...grunting is quite normal at his age."

'Dude, don't do it. Somewhere down the road it will lead to chores.'

'You'll have to excuse George: he suffers from perfectly normal child disorder.'

'How can we prevent preganancy? We don't even know what causes it.'

'His lawyer wants his time-out reduced to ten minutes, time served.'

'Hey, half my chromosomes are YOURS, you know.'

'With Jesse Caldwell's family moving out of town, I've been promoted in the playground pecking order.'

Baby escaped crib with saw.

Woman with brattish children at Egg Donnor clinic - "We don't need any more eggs at the moment."

'For the last time - don't throw him in the air so roughly!'

'I'm just exercising my first amendment rights.'

Child on a schedule.

"It's Mother's Day, let us order the takeout."

"See? I told you our yard was too small for a swing set."

'Don't give me that 'Protected Species' excuse: You've been naughty, you'll be punished!'

'Dad, I'm sure you're probably ticked about this, but when I tell you what happened, I'm sure you'll agree it's been a great learning experience for me,'

'No need to wear your seatbelt, son. If you crash my car, you won't want to live.'

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: 'Nurse forgets her husband's birthday'

Sports car style baby buggy.

"It's nothing to worry about. He just seems to be experiencing a growth spurt."

"Your father and I have come to believe that incarceration is sometimes the only appropriate punishment."

'Simple case of gravity, mom.'

'May I have a word with you?'

Toddler NO shirt - 'Saves time.'

"Have we considered home schooling, if only for the less parental involvement?"

Baby's first thought...Daddy's a moron.

'Come on Mummy, please let me eat this rotten gooey disgusting thing!'

'Hey Doreen - Justin has got 95% for truancy!'

"He doesn't really talk yet, but he does some sound bites."

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: 'Dad tries singing to baby'

'Timmy, stop being naughty: Don't sit up straight!'

'Used to be cute as a button. Now he's just a pain in the button.'

'-are you sure your mother didn't write this?'

A hen pushes a egg carton on wheels containing her chicks.

Big Mother is Watching You