Parenting Humorists Gifts

'You don't think you're just a tad overprotective?'

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: 'Break Water'

"The good news is that you will have a healthy baby girl. The bad news is that she is a congenital liar."

'No, the chaos theory does not account for the state of your room.'

'We are giving that kid too much pocket money.'

'Look! He's taking his first steps.'

Having a child who had missed three assemblies wasn't enough to win the respect of the hardmen of prison block 'D'.

"Mom, when you were pregnant with me, did I have a tracking number so you could check on my delivery status?"

'My wife gave birth underwater!'

"Some will love you and some will hate you. It's always been that way with anchovies."

'Your bad attitude explodes across the living room, keeping me on the edge of my seat.'

"Operation Controlled Crying, Day 730."

Consistent education is important!

Soccer Moms

"Of course what else would it be?"

Doctor Spock.

Child's Safety Harness

'Care for a drink?'

Woman given a pinstrip suited infant from a nurse

Yes, mom, I'm sure his mom brought the post-fight juice boxes.

'Nanny being congratulated on arrival of new baby'

"Is it true that before smart phones you had to write messages on the walls of bathroom stalls?"

Reality of Parenthood

"I already assisted with your birth—what do you want now?"

"Our little girl has blossomed into quite the little complainer."

Sign in the back of a fly's car reads Maggot on Board.

"Oh, let it go, Steve. It's just a phase."

I said you could order off the adult menu. I didn't say you could order a vodka & tonic with a lime garnish.

I've decided to run for office so I can spend more time away from my family.

Mum and baby both have pacifier.

Madonna of the Pukes.

"I'm sure you'll grow into it, darling."

'We had the baby's ultrasound photo made into wallpaper.'

Fat Kid 10- Eats an ice-cream

"This is nice, but I can't help but think we forgot something."