Parenting Humoristas Gifts

'There's no room for water!'

Madonna of the Pukes.

"I'm sure you'll grow into it, darling."

'We had the baby's ultrasound photo made into wallpaper.'

Fat Kid 10- Eats an ice-cream

"No, I don’t find it funny that her first words are ‘South Park’!"

"This is nice, but I can't help but think we forgot something."

Baby's first thought...Daddy's a moron.

'No. no. When your wife asked you to change the baby, she meant the diaper.'

Giving birth with your husband present may be more painful.

Young golf ball getting "the talk".

"You can't prove that I broke it! Where's your physical evidence? Fingerprints or a DNA profile?"

"We've decided that it will be better for his later development if we speak to him only in legalese."

"He doesn't really talk yet, but he does some sound bites."

"I'm all for pushing them out of the nest, but maybe next time we could wait till they hatch."

"I have a feeling he understands more than we think."

'I'm just exercising my first amendment rights.'

"Beds are not made for jumping on."

"Have you seen my dad?"

'It was the little darling's first time sitting up at the dining table!'

"It may not look like it to you, but trust me, he's hyperactive. It's exhausting!"

Dad Trophies

"Good news. It's a small pig."

"She said that girls mature faster than boys, so I pulled her hair."

"Instead of taking a bath can I wear a flea collar?"

"Can you read the part about Job again?"

"Greetings, Earthling. How are the schools?"

'It's the same model... he painted the second one eight months after the first painting.'

"My wife tells me the bee has struck again!"

'No not there. Let's try it over here this time...'

Fat Kid 23- Catches a bogie

'It was romantic before we had kids. Build some stairs.'

"Time for bed, guys."

"It's nice but I'm starting to think we should just wait for his real hair to grow in."

"Because, dang it, even cowgirls deserve a little 'me' time."