Parenting Good-humorist Gifts

"We've decided that it will be better for his later development if we speak to him only in legalese."

Madonna of the Pukes.

"I'm sure you'll grow into it, darling."

'We had the baby's ultrasound photo made into wallpaper.'

Fat Kid 10- Eats an ice-cream

"Honey, you're spoiling that child."

"No, I don’t find it funny that her first words are ‘South Park’!"

"This is nice, but I can't help but think we forgot something."

Baby's first thought...Daddy's a moron.

'No. no. When your wife asked you to change the baby, she meant the diaper.'

The Poky Little Pupa.

My Dad, trying to look young. The cap hides his bald spot and the sweatshirt hides his gut!

"Your children are adorable...and so shiny!" "Thanks. I them in dish detergent."

Young golf ball getting "the talk".

"You can't prove that I broke it! Where's your physical evidence? Fingerprints or a DNA profile?"

"He doesn't really talk yet, but he does some sound bites."

"I need to know who started it."

"I have a feeling he understands more than we think."

"I'm all for pushing them out of the nest, but maybe next time we could wait till they hatch."

'I'm afraid he's at that age when he's into everything!'

'I'm just exercising my first amendment rights.'

"Have you seen my dad?"

'It was the little darling's first time sitting up at the dining table!'

"Good news. It's a small pig."

"Beds are not made for jumping on."

Trick or Tweet

"It may not look like it to you, but trust me, he's hyperactive. It's exhausting!"

:Come on sweetie, you know the rule: You need to finish your chocolate cake before you can have your carrots...'

"She said that girls mature faster than boys, so I pulled her hair."

"Instead of taking a bath can I wear a flea collar?"

'It was romantic before we had kids. Build some stairs.'

"Can you read the part about Job again?"

Mother and Baby Hippopotamus.

"Greetings, Earthling. How are the schools?"

Fat Kid 23- Catches a bogie