Humorist In Parenting Gifts

"Sorry I'm late with my grades. I was busy removing the 'Honor Roll' bumper sticker from the car."

Mum and baby both have pacifier.

Madonna of the Pukes.

"I'm sure you'll grow into it, darling."

Fat Kid 10- Eats an ice-cream

"Honey, you're spoiling that child."

"This is nice, but I can't help but think we forgot something."

"No, I don’t find it funny that her first words are ‘South Park’!"

Baby's first thought...Daddy's a moron.

Giving birth with your husband present may be more painful.

My Dad, trying to look young. The cap hides his bald spot and the sweatshirt hides his gut!

"You can't prove that I broke it! Where's your physical evidence? Fingerprints or a DNA profile?"

"We've decided that it will be better for his later development if we speak to him only in legalese."

"He doesn't really talk yet, but he does some sound bites."

'I'm afraid he's at that age when he's into everything!'

"I'm all for pushing them out of the nest, but maybe next time we could wait till they hatch."

"I have a feeling he understands more than we think."

'I'm just exercising my first amendment rights.'

"Good news. It's a small pig."

"It may not look like it to you, but trust me, he's hyperactive. It's exhausting!"

'It was the little darling's first time sitting up at the dining table!'

Trick or Tweet

:Come on sweetie, you know the rule: You need to finish your chocolate cake before you can have your carrots...'

"Instead of taking a bath can I wear a flea collar?"

"She said that girls mature faster than boys, so I pulled her hair."

A man and his baby are wearing bibs with images of what they are eating.

Fat Kid 23- Catches a bogie

"Because, dang it, even cowgirls deserve a little 'me' time."

"My wife tells me the bee has struck again!"

"It's nice but I'm starting to think we should just wait for his real hair to grow in."