Humorous Parenting Gifts

"I see you vaping in there."

"I can't help but get emotional...it's not every day your little one leaves the nest and heads off to the first day of school..."

Madonna of the Pukes.

"I'm sure you'll grow into it, darling."

'We had the baby's ultrasound photo made into wallpaper.'

Fat Kid 10- Eats an ice-cream

"No, I don’t find it funny that her first words are ‘South Park’!"

"This is nice, but I can't help but think we forgot something."

Baby's first thought...Daddy's a moron.

'No. no. When your wife asked you to change the baby, she meant the diaper.'

"You can't prove that I broke it! Where's your physical evidence? Fingerprints or a DNA profile?"

Young golf ball getting "the talk".

My Dad, trying to look young. The cap hides his bald spot and the sweatshirt hides his gut!

"He doesn't really talk yet, but he does some sound bites."

"This is where baby gets some alone time."

"I'm all for pushing them out of the nest, but maybe next time we could wait till they hatch."

'I'm afraid he's at that age when he's into everything!'

"I have a feeling he understands more than we think."

'I'm just exercising my first amendment rights.'

"Good news. It's a small pig."

"Have you seen my dad?"

'It was the little darling's first time sitting up at the dining table!'

"It may not look like it to you, but trust me, he's hyperactive. It's exhausting!"

Trick or Tweet

"Beds are not made for jumping on."

:Come on sweetie, you know the rule: You need to finish your chocolate cake before you can have your carrots...'

"She said that girls mature faster than boys, so I pulled her hair."

"Instead of taking a bath can I wear a flea collar?"

Mother and Baby Hippopotamus.

"Can you read the part about Job again?"

Fat Kid 23- Catches a bogie

"It's nice but I'm starting to think we should just wait for his real hair to grow in."

'It's the same model... he painted the second one eight months after the first painting.'

"Greetings, Earthling. How are the schools?"

'It was romantic before we had kids. Build some stairs.'