Humorous Parent Gifts

Our Yuppie Dad

'And Rachel, if you're not back by midnight, this video of you taking a bath in our kitchen sink when you were 2 is getting posted on Youtube.'

"What have I said about sneaking girls into your room."

"I've got 2 WONDERFUL children. 2 out of 5 isn't bad I suppose!"

"It's the kids! Quick! Stash the cigs!"

I'm going to have a baby girl soon. What's a good name for a baby girl, Randy? Wait … you're going to have a what? Tell me you didn't just say what I think you said, little buddy. I'm going to have a baby girl. Met a lady, we fell in love, got married, and now we're going to have a baby girl. Wait ... you're talking about some video game, aren't you? I'm thinking of naming her SIMantha, but that might bee too obvious.

'I can't sleep Dad. Tell me another scary story?'

"I know that $3,280 hurt you more than it did me, Dad."

Striving to reduce our dependence on fossil fuels, scientists attempt to harness the energy of a toddler's tantrum.

My Dad, trying to look young. The cap hides his bald spot and the sweatshirt hides his gut!

"This is where baby gets some alone time."

"Boy, do we hate to see this... I'm afraid your child's entire body is an 'innie'."

'I'm afraid he's at that age when he's into everything!'

In case of Emergency: Break Glass

Trick or Tweet

"I never subscribed to Hobbes' state of nature theory until the night we left the kids without a sitter."

:Come on sweetie, you know the rule: You need to finish your chocolate cake before you can have your carrots...'

A man and his baby are wearing bibs with images of what they are eating.

"My dad can't talk yet, but he's learned to wave bye-bye."

The Wright brothers discover the first nightmare flight

Mother and Baby Hippopotamus.

"She's a natural!"

"Guess who figured how to call 911!"

'I knew you would come crawling back.'

'Quick, I'll give you a piggyback ride home, otherwise, we'll get in trouble for being late...'

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: This is solids?

"That's it young man. . . go to your room!"

'Well it's your fault for wearing my slippers.'

"It's from the children. They'd like us to let them in."

'Dad, are you sure this is building the right muscles for football?'

"It makes sense when you see the second painting with the lego."

Billy strip: help with homework.

'Do you know what's worse than being a mummy? Being a mummy with a prostate!'

'Who says women don't like chase scenes?'

'For no particular reason I want to know the location of our fire extinguisher.'