Parental Humor Gifts

Our poor daughter doesn't have a prom date. Mo-om! I'm going with a group, of friends. No one "dates." Then I don't need a shotgun? Da-ad! I'll never get a boyfriend! Good. I heard that.

Children Who Have Given Up Soap For Lent

'Bring my daughter back at 11 sharp or...'

'....How many babies are you going to have, mommy?"

'I see the kids have 'broken-up' for the school holidays!'

'Don't clean me up too good... no one will recognize me.'

"My dad can't talk yet, but he's learned to wave bye-bye."

"At school, the boys' toilets are called pubicals."

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.

My Dad, trying to look young. The cap hides his bald spot and the sweatshirt hides his gut!

Giving birth with your husband present may be more painful.

'I'm afraid he's at that age when he's into everything!'

"Your mother and I are feeling overwhelmed, so you'll have to bring yourselves up."

'Son, sometimes I think you don't know your head from your tail. Come to think of it, it is tough.'

Trick or Tweet

:Come on sweetie, you know the rule: You need to finish your chocolate cake before you can have your carrots...'

'Budget cuts have forced us to drop our day-care program. I've contacted your mother to come and pick you up.'

"Use your inside scream."

Mother and Baby Hippopotamus.

'No not there. Let's try it over here this time...'

A man and his baby are wearing bibs with images of what they are eating.

Sperm Whale.

"Because, dang it, even cowgirls deserve a little 'me' time."

"She's a natural!"

'Quick, I'll give you a piggyback ride home, otherwise, we'll get in trouble for being late...'

"Guess who figured how to call 911!"

'Remember,when he says 'gotta go download',he means 'go potty'.'

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: This is solids?

'But, Mom, being good just doesn't work for me.'

"That's it young man. . . go to your room!"

'For no particular reason I want to know the location of our fire extinguisher.'

'Do you know what's worse than being a mummy? Being a mummy with a prostate!'

"I have to wear a bike helmet all the time after Mommie heard cars kill more pedestrians than cyclists!"

Billy strip: help with homework.

'Who says women don't like chase scenes?'