Parent Humor Gifts

"My parents sent back all my stuff that came from China."

'Quick, I'll give you a piggyback ride home, otherwise, we'll get in trouble for being late...'

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.

Giving birth with your husband present may be more painful.

My Dad, trying to look young. The cap hides his bald spot and the sweatshirt hides his gut!

'I'm afraid he's at that age when he's into everything!'

"Your mother and I are feeling overwhelmed, so you'll have to bring yourselves up."

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'Son, sometimes I think you don't know your head from your tail. Come to think of it, it is tough.'

'Budget cuts have forced us to drop our day-care program. I've contacted your mother to come and pick you up.'

:Come on sweetie, you know the rule: You need to finish your chocolate cake before you can have your carrots...'

"Because, dang it, even cowgirls deserve a little 'me' time."

"My dad can't talk yet, but he's learned to wave bye-bye."

A man and his baby are wearing bibs with images of what they are eating.

Mother and Baby Hippopotamus.

'No not there. Let's try it over here this time...'

Sperm Whale.

"Use your inside scream."

'Now listen: The big hairy ones are the hunters, while the smaller ones with long hair are the gatherers...'

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: This is solids?

"Guess who figured how to call 911!"

'Remember,when he says 'gotta go download',he means 'go potty'.'

"She's a natural!"

"That's it young man. . . go to your room!"

'Who says women don't like chase scenes?'

'For no particular reason I want to know the location of our fire extinguisher.'

'Do you know what's worse than being a mummy? Being a mummy with a prostate!'

Billy strip: help with homework.

'Dad, how come we never see and of them in flight?'

',,,But if I do eat them I'll lose my child support, Oh, Alice,divorce is so hard,'

"I didn't think you'd still be here at thirty."

'Mom, I need a push.'

'And you said he'd shoot his eye out with a BB Gun!'

"If you get to be a stay-at-home dad, why can't I be a stay-at-home daughter?"

"But mom, I can't clean my room now. I just won the Kids Bedroom Seal of Approval!"