Parental Comedy Gifts

'It's a leaf.'

Giving birth with your husband present may be more painful.

My Dad, trying to look young. The cap hides his bald spot and the sweatshirt hides his gut!

'I'm afraid he's at that age when he's into everything!'

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:Come on sweetie, you know the rule: You need to finish your chocolate cake before you can have your carrots...'

'Oh, don't mind Jeff. It's just his turn to change the Baby's nappy.'

Mother and Baby Hippopotamus.

A man and his baby are wearing bibs with images of what they are eating.

"You got the dolls yesterday? My mom says I took nine months!"

'No not there. Let's try it over here this time...'

"My dad can't talk yet, but he's learned to wave bye-bye."

"Because, dang it, even cowgirls deserve a little 'me' time."

'Remember,when he says 'gotta go download',he means 'go potty'.'

"Guess who figured how to call 911!"

'Quick, I'll give you a piggyback ride home, otherwise, we'll get in trouble for being late...'

'sugar and spice my eye.'

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: This is solids?

"She's a natural!"

'Oh Darling look. He's got your colour boogies!'

"That's it young man. . . go to your room!"

"I've got something to tell you,Dad-I don't like fish...I mean I REALLY don't like fish...I HATE fish,Dad-there,I've said it now."

Billy strip: help with homework.

'Who says women don't like chase scenes?'

'For no particular reason I want to know the location of our fire extinguisher.'

'Do you know what's worse than being a mummy? Being a mummy with a prostate!'

'Oh wonderful! All day I've been waiting for that burp!'

',,,But if I do eat them I'll lose my child support, Oh, Alice,divorce is so hard,'

"I didn't think you'd still be here at thirty."

'And you said he'd shoot his eye out with a BB Gun!'

"If you get to be a stay-at-home dad, why can't I be a stay-at-home daughter?"

"She's cute all right. But, whoa, what a narcissist!"

"I love to hear the pitter-patter-patter...patter of his tiny feet."

Moma

It went even worse than I expected - She got custody of the kids and me.