Parental Humor Pillows

Children Who Have Given Up Soap For Lent

'Bring my daughter back at 11 sharp or...'

'....How many babies are you going to have, mommy?"

'I see the kids have 'broken-up' for the school holidays!'

'Don't clean me up too good... no one will recognize me.'

"My dad can't talk yet, but he's learned to wave bye-bye."

"At school, the boys' toilets are called pubicals."

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.

Giving birth with your husband present may be more painful.

My Dad, trying to look young. The cap hides his bald spot and the sweatshirt hides his gut!

'I'm afraid he's at that age when he's into everything!'

"Your mother and I are feeling overwhelmed, so you'll have to bring yourselves up."

'Son, sometimes I think you don't know your head from your tail. Come to think of it, it is tough.'

Trick or Tweet

'Budget cuts have forced us to drop our day-care program. I've contacted your mother to come and pick you up.'

:Come on sweetie, you know the rule: You need to finish your chocolate cake before you can have your carrots...'

"Because, dang it, even cowgirls deserve a little 'me' time."

A man and his baby are wearing bibs with images of what they are eating.

Mother and Baby Hippopotamus.

"Use your inside scream."

'Quick, I'll give you a piggyback ride home, otherwise, we'll get in trouble for being late...'

"Guess who figured how to call 911!"

"She's a natural!"

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: This is solids?

'Remember,when he says 'gotta go download',he means 'go potty'.'

'But, Mom, being good just doesn't work for me.'

"That's it young man. . . go to your room!"

"I have to wear a bike helmet all the time after Mommie heard cars kill more pedestrians than cyclists!"

Billy strip: help with homework.

'Who says women don't like chase scenes?'

'Do you know what's worse than being a mummy? Being a mummy with a prostate!'

'For no particular reason I want to know the location of our fire extinguisher.'

',,,But if I do eat them I'll lose my child support, Oh, Alice,divorce is so hard,'

"I didn't think you'd still be here at thirty."

'Mom, I need a push.'