Parental Humor Enthusiast Pillows

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.

"Your mother and I are feeling overwhelmed, so you'll have to bring yourselves up."

Introducing Healing Truths Mother's Day Cards

"I'm afraid it's worse than just a case of measles....the red marker your son used to put on the spots was a permanent marker!"

'Budget cuts have forced us to drop our day-care program. I've contacted your mother to come and pick you up.'

"Stop following me! I taught you all that I know."

"but I thought I had another, an older one."

'My daughter tells me you're allowed to come home on weekends...is that from college?'

'You call it a lie. I think of it as augmented reality.'

'It says a child in your class has head lice.'

'What's with this younger generation, man? That kid of mine is hooked on phonics.'

"Talk about climate change- my kid just moved back home."

You should get me a dog. It will be good training for when I have to take care of you guys.

"If you'd wanted me to be successful you should have set a better example."

I arrived, I Ate, I Conquered (aka Pooped).

"But mom, I can't clean my room now. I just won the Kids Bedroom Seal of Approval!"

"So, paternity leave problem solved then?"

"You claimed I was getting on your last nerve. Having only one nerve left sounds serious, so I called an ambulance."

'Relax! I was just seeing if I could fit it all in if I wanted to.'

'It's our anniversary. The one night he takes me to a restaurant that doesn't have a children's menu.'

'They want to watch the baby do lunch.'

Motherly bird

"Mom says Time Out should teach me a valuable lesson. I guess it's 'don't get caught.'"

That's not my report card. That's the school's report card.

"But Mom said to ask YOU!"

'My dad is a CEO - don't trust him!'

'Oh no, mine aren't deaf. They're teenagers.'

'Which do you want to look at first - my report card or one of yours I found in the attic?'

'They don't play 'mummies and daddies' these days. It's wife swappies now!"

'At least he won't be hard to live up to.'

'Mom! -- Jeffrey's having a wardrobe malfunction!'

'Tom, where is your school report on sex education?'

Other People's Children

"If you tell a lie mummy won't love you anymore

Mum and baby both have pacifier.