Parenting Humor Enthusiast Pillows

'What are you in for?'

'They sort of grow on you.'

Dear God, please send clothes for all those poor woman in Dad's computer.

"�nappies, gripe water. Oh, and a couple of frozen chickens. The midwife said breast feeding's the best"

'No, dear, it's not necessary to go to the doctor because Mia kissed you.'

"Just saying, most parents mark their kid's height against the wall with a pencil."

Mother tells son, who is watching DVDs: 'No, I don't think we need a 'national debate' on the issue of bedtime.'

"This time I'm going to have to give you a citation, Britney."

"Sometimes in my life I feel it's time for a change."

'It's Chuckie in the bathroom. He can't reach the toilet paper.'

'So all that stuff Dad told us about the birds and the bees is a bunch of lies?'

Mum and baby both have pacifier.

"If mum didn't work we'd starve"

'Now, now - why are you still crying?!'

'Ooopsss! I did it again.'

"The kids have stopped saying 'are we there yet?'"

Mother tells her daughter that she needs to get out more.

'Here's a tip for you...if Mom gives you the look, don't give it back.'

A cow carrier.

"My kids didn't respond to my voice commands. So, I upgraded to voice warnings."

"I can't get through to him. See what you can do."

"It's nice being soap. There's nothing for our mom's to wash our mouths out with."

Of course you could always pay me to be cooperative.

'Mom, how old was I when Dad first hired you to do all this stuff around the house?'

Baby Holding a Condom.

Please Wait Here To Be Scolded

Arnold's parents should never have let him play outside without supervision.

Who Needs a Power Shower,

"All right! We'll hear the pester-power figures next."

"It's not the violent tone of his drawings that I object to, it's more the cost of all the red crayons."

"It's perfectly normal. My ring tone used to break and crack when I was going through puberty, too."

"It's my baby sister's. She leaked when we got her, and we've been trying to fix her ever since."

'I totally baby-proofed the house while you were out!'

"Please don't ever make me babysit again!"

"So did you have that, 'birds and bees' talk?"