Parenting Humor Fan Pillows

'It's broken.'

'God bless mommy, daddy, spot, and that sports car I bought off the Internet with daddy's credit card.'

'Can you read the story with more enthusiasm? You're putting me to sleep.'

"I spy with my little eye—something on fire."

'Gee, mom, how DID that happen? Maybe we better Google it!'

'Sure, it's fun to watch, but Sesame Street is just a trick to get you softened up for school!'

"Your kid throws up a lot."

"If good fences make good neighbors, then maybe they can make good kids."

"Mom, can you take me to school? It takes forever when dad does."

"You want privacy, don't date my daughter!"

"Your father was only joking. The Tooth Fairy only takes teeth that have already fallen out."

Teacher to mother: 'He's been transferred from Detetion to a Minimum Security Facility.'

Humvee stroller

'I wanted to have a few words about sex with you...and the words are 'ask Mum'.'

'I've sat in this corner so much, I'm getting corner vision.'

Chilly baby.

'They're all by different dads.'

Adoption centre nurse accepting a bribe from a pack of wolves

'Push, dear! The child will be late for pre-school!'

"Good news, Mrs Jackson. Your son isn't dyslexic after all... He's just palin stupid!"

'Your mom as our designated driver, man, is sure putting a damper on our fun!'

"Is anything wrong, Jonny? I've noticed you've been hitting the bottle more lately."

"You wanted me to mow all the grass?"

Oh good...you're not busy

'Actually, Dad knows quite a bit about sex for a man his age.'

"I'm pretty sure having your child ride rear-facing until they're four only applies to car seats."

"This dog has wheels!"

"It's your father, dear—he doesn't need a warrant."

Toys: Action Man and Action Teenager.

'Until I met your Mom, yes.'

'Hello, NHS direct? My husband was screaming at me kids so loudly his stomach prolapsed.'

'Look, silly Daddy has remembered he left his bicycle at work.'

'After all these years you'd think I'd see that coming.'

"Useful things, fridge magnets"

'With so many children, I can't afford to live in a choo anymore.'