Parenting Humor Fan Pillows

'It's broken.'

'God bless mommy, daddy, spot, and that sports car I bought off the Internet with daddy's credit card.'

'Can you read the story with more enthusiasm? You're putting me to sleep.'

"I spy with my little eye—something on fire."

'Sure, it's fun to watch, but Sesame Street is just a trick to get you softened up for school!'

"Your kid throws up a lot."

"I'm pretty sure having your child ride rear-facing until they're four only applies to car seats."

'Actually, Dad knows quite a bit about sex for a man his age.'

Oh good...you're not busy

"You wanted me to mow all the grass?"

"Is anything wrong, Jonny? I've noticed you've been hitting the bottle more lately."

'Your mom as our designated driver, man, is sure putting a damper on our fun!'

"Good news, Mrs Jackson. Your son isn't dyslexic after all... He's just palin stupid!"

'Push, dear! The child will be late for pre-school!'

Adoption centre nurse accepting a bribe from a pack of wolves

'They're all by different dads.'

Chilly baby.

'I've sat in this corner so much, I'm getting corner vision.'

'I wanted to have a few words about sex with you...and the words are 'ask Mum'.'

Humvee stroller

Teacher to mother: 'He's been transferred from Detetion to a Minimum Security Facility.'

"Your father was only joking. The Tooth Fairy only takes teeth that have already fallen out."

"You want privacy, don't date my daughter!"

"Mom, can you take me to school? It takes forever when dad does."

"If good fences make good neighbors, then maybe they can make good kids."

"Good Dad, Bad Dad"

Drop your Daughter Off at Work Day

"Big deal, you were in labor for nineteen hours. I'm sure it was no picnic for me, either."

THE MOTHER OF ALL ALARM CLOCKS

"This dog has wheels!"

"It's your father, dear—he doesn't need a warrant."

"Michael, do your dinner."

"That was an incredible nap!"

World's greatest dad. Worlds greatest sterile guy.

"I'll take it off after you clean your room."