Parental Humor Fans Pillows

'You know how vacations are. You don't even get to the end of the block before your dad starts asking if it's over yet.'

'These baby teeth are a non-renewable resource rapidly being depleted and should bring more.'

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.

"Your children are adorable...and so shiny!" "Thanks. I them in dish detergent."

Giving birth with your husband present may be more painful.

"I need to know who started it."

"This is where baby gets some alone time."

"Your mother and I are feeling overwhelmed, so you'll have to bring yourselves up."

Dad Trophies

'Son, sometimes I think you don't know your head from your tail. Come to think of it, it is tough.'

'Budget cuts have forced us to drop our day-care program. I've contacted your mother to come and pick you up.'

Rabies on board - a couple of rabid babies.

"Time for bed, guys."

Impracticle Guide to Having Babies

"My dad can't talk yet, but he's learned to wave bye-bye."

"Because, dang it, even cowgirls deserve a little 'me' time."

'Yeah, bit how does the stork get into the maternity room?'

"I told my mom either the sitter goes, or I go!"

'Remember,when he says 'gotta go download',he means 'go potty'.'

Chilly baby.

'Push, dear! The child will be late for pre-school!'

"I have to wear a bike helmet all the time after Mommie heard cars kill more pedestrians than cyclists!"

'I did tell you there were speed bumps in this via.'

"I'm SO lazy, I married a pregnant woman. . . !"

"But Mom, you said it was a pup tent!"

"Sure, Mom, I'll eat first, but then can we discuss my 'overseas adoption'?"

'Please tell me I'm adopted.'

Ultra Sound/Downloading.

Young Godzilla.

'Here's what she was reading - an articl called 'Parents can be fun'.'

"I'm worried that Ud isn't evolving as quickly as the other kids."