Parent Humor Fan Pillows

"Mum.... I need to poo."

Mum and baby both have pacifier.

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.

Giving birth with your husband present may be more painful.

"Your children are adorable...and so shiny!" "Thanks. I them in dish detergent."

"I need to know who started it."

"Your mother and I are feeling overwhelmed, so you'll have to bring yourselves up."

'Son, sometimes I think you don't know your head from your tail. Come to think of it, it is tough.'

'Budget cuts have forced us to drop our day-care program. I've contacted your mother to come and pick you up.'

"Because, dang it, even cowgirls deserve a little 'me' time."

"My dad can't talk yet, but he's learned to wave bye-bye."

"Time for bed, guys."

Impracticle Guide to Having Babies

'Remember,when he says 'gotta go download',he means 'go potty'.'

'Quick, I'll give you a piggyback ride home, otherwise, we'll get in trouble for being late...'

Chilly baby.

'Push, dear! The child will be late for pre-school!'

'Well it's your fault for wearing my slippers.'

"Sure, Mom, I'll eat first, but then can we discuss my 'overseas adoption'?"

'I did tell you there were speed bumps in this via.'

'Please tell me I'm adopted.'

"I have to wear a bike helmet all the time after Mommie heard cars kill more pedestrians than cyclists!"

"I'm SO lazy, I married a pregnant woman. . . !"

'It's a book, Sweetie - it doesn't have any ram!'

'What are you in for?'

"I'm worried that Ud isn't evolving as quickly as the other kids."

'And you said he'd shoot his eye out with a BB Gun!'

'Go on Darling, play in the soil-pit for a while...'

Please Wait Here To Be Scolded

"The kids have stopped saying 'are we there yet?'"