Humorist About Parenting Gifts

Mother congratulating her sister on becoming pregnant.

Mum and baby both have pacifier.

Madonna of the Pukes.

"I'm sure you'll grow into it, darling."

Fat Kid 10- Eats an ice-cream

"Honey, you're spoiling that child."

"No, I don’t find it funny that her first words are ‘South Park’!"

"This is nice, but I can't help but think we forgot something."

Baby's first thought...Daddy's a moron.

Young golf ball getting "the talk".

'No. no. When your wife asked you to change the baby, she meant the diaper.'

My Dad, trying to look young. The cap hides his bald spot and the sweatshirt hides his gut!

Giving birth with your husband present may be more painful.

"You can't prove that I broke it! Where's your physical evidence? Fingerprints or a DNA profile?"

"He doesn't really talk yet, but he does some sound bites."

'I'm afraid he's at that age when he's into everything!'

"I have a feeling he understands more than we think."

"I'm all for pushing them out of the nest, but maybe next time we could wait till they hatch."

'I'm just exercising my first amendment rights.'

Trick or Tweet

"Have you seen my dad?"

'It was the little darling's first time sitting up at the dining table!'

"Good news. It's a small pig."

"Beds are not made for jumping on."

"It may not look like it to you, but trust me, he's hyperactive. It's exhausting!"

:Come on sweetie, you know the rule: You need to finish your chocolate cake before you can have your carrots...'

"Instead of taking a bath can I wear a flea collar?"

"She said that girls mature faster than boys, so I pulled her hair."

'It's the same model... he painted the second one eight months after the first painting.'

A man and his baby are wearing bibs with images of what they are eating.

Fat Kid 23- Catches a bogie

'No not there. Let's try it over here this time...'

'It was romantic before we had kids. Build some stairs.'

"Greetings, Earthling. How are the schools?"

"Because, dang it, even cowgirls deserve a little 'me' time."