Parental Satire Enthusiast Pillows

'I can't wait until I grow up, and all I have to do is go to work.'

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.

Giving birth with your husband present may be more painful.

"Your mother and I are feeling overwhelmed, so you'll have to bring yourselves up."

'Son, sometimes I think you don't know your head from your tail. Come to think of it, it is tough.'

'Budget cuts have forced us to drop our day-care program. I've contacted your mother to come and pick you up.'

"Because, dang it, even cowgirls deserve a little 'me' time."

"The one time in our lives when it's acceptable to run around naked, but they dress us up like L. L. Bean catalog."

'Remember,when he says 'gotta go download',he means 'go potty'.'

The Mothership

"I have to wear a bike helmet all the time after Mommie heard cars kill more pedestrians than cyclists!"

"Sorry I'm late with my grades. I was busy removing the 'Honor Roll' bumper sticker from the car."

"You're getting a nanny. We decided to outsource our parenting"

'And you said he'd shoot his eye out with a BB Gun!'

"I'm trying to make them look less scary."

"Hey. Smells funny. Fix it. And bring me a beer."

"But mom, I can't clean my room now. I just won the Kids Bedroom Seal of Approval!"

Rosemary's Baby Supplies

"Your mom is a little overprotective, isn't she?"

Children Demand Parental Term Limits.

I arrived, I Ate, I Conquered (aka Pooped).

'Pack your things we're moving.'

"Seriously, the way you rasied me it's no wonder I can't get a gig in a real night club."

"Being from another planet is worth thirty points towards your child's admission to Harvard."

"But Mom said to ask YOU!"

'Congratulations. It's a latch key kid.'

'Junior is just a little confused.'

"Of course Daddy could explain what a superconducting supercollider is, sweetie, but just at the moment Daddy is watching 'America's Most Wanted.'"

'Help Doctor!! My baby swallowed a pencil!'

'It's time you knew, Son -- you were abandoned here as a child by aliens.'