New Parent Pranksters Gifts

Ask me about Naming Rights.

'Well, he definitely has his father's... Er... Eyes.'

'A generous layer of vaseline makes an excellent tickle repellent!'

'Hey, I think my parents fooled me. This game is called 'Algebra Hero'.'

I know, it's so hard not to laugh every time that kid crawls by wearing just a poop bag.

"He looks like you, and he isn't even born yet."

Cupid and stork ambush young couple.

"Guess who figured how to call 911!"

Wait – is that your dad? Tunnel of Love.

"Congratulations, Mr and Mrs Starmer. It's a tool!"

'BEEP! BEEP! Pregnant Lady Reversing!...'

'Congratulations Mr. Dumley, you have a lovely little thing...'

'Oh Darling look. He's got your colour boogies!'

'Oh wonderful! All day I've been waiting for that burp!'

"I can hardly wait for him to start leading a life of quiet desperation."

"I'm too old for a baby-sitter. How about hanging a portrait with the eyes that always seem to look at you?"

'Mom, will the baby come with bundled software?'

Beware of teething baby.

'This not exactly what I had in mind when I told him about the birds and the bees.'

They Removed my Brain.

Husband and Child in Pram

Darling, you should have asked me to put sun tan lotion on your back and not the kids!

'Sandra, I think the baby needs his oil changed.'

"Twins!...Who's the other father?"

"I think our bundle of joy needs his mommy, dear!"

'I don't believe it - At school all my teachers said I was an underachiever!'

'You did that on purpose!'

Waaahhh. Please, Milo. Stop crying. Look, Milo. I'm making a funny face. Waah. I'm waving my arms in the air! Waah. I'm pouring burning coffee on my head. Waaah. Waaaaaaaahhh. Look at this dog. Isn't it disgusting and hairy wairy? Humiliating on every level. Giggle.

Twins

I'm not saying she's a gifted child, but she did write her own birth announcement.

"We should get a lot of money from the tooth fairy. I set out grandpa's false teeth!"

'Daddy! Are you using the number forty clipper?'

'Last year my kids put a sign on my back, but tomorrow, on April Fools Day, I'll be ready, they won't get me again.'

'It's OK, being completely egocentric is perfectly normal for someone your age.'

"When do I get my phone call"