Future Parent Prankster Gifts

"He looks like you, and he isn't even born yet."

A tube of toothpaste doesn't reach its full potential until in the hands of a baby.

"That's all I get? A sonogram? No tracking number?"

'A generous layer of vaseline makes an excellent tickle repellent!'

The Complete Book of Baby Names. Oooh, what do you think of 110101110110? Isn't that cute?

'Hey, I think my parents fooled me. This game is called 'Algebra Hero'.'

"No! I am your father!" "Noooooo!"

'We're playing trampoline, mom.'

"If I turn it up I might get out of here quicker!"

"Mum's biological clock is ticking away...OOPS!...my mistake. That's indigestion."

Kid about scratched up car to dad: 'I made a mistake washing the car with a brillo pad.'

Baby, baby maker

Baby's First Words... Hi Guys!

"Congratulations, Mr and Mrs Starmer. It's a tool!"

'I can't wait to embarrass him when he's a teenager.'

"Guess who figured how to call 911!"

-THIRTY thousand? I thought you wanted TEN thousand? -I'm having triplets!

'Don't worry about gaining weight after the baby - you'll run it off during the toddler years.'

"Dear Mum. As contractions begin I thank you for letting me share your uterus. When do I get my bond money back??"

'I've had some strange cravings during my pregnancy. Such as the one to strangle my husband.'

"I'm too old for a baby-sitter. How about hanging a portrait with the eyes that always seem to look at you?"

'This not exactly what I had in mind when I told him about the birds and the bees.'

"You want me to explain how there were two doughnuts in the larder and now there is only one? Easy, it was too dark in there to see the second one."

It is always something whenever Grandmother watches little Louis.

'We need to discuss your ultrasound.'

Darling, you should have asked me to put sun tan lotion on your back and not the kids!

'First, let's see him program a DVD recorder.'

'Okay...now watch what happens when I extend my claws.'

'I'm never having kids, I hear they take nine months to download.'

'You did that on purpose!'

"Did you want to know if the baby's a boy or a girl?"

"We can make you more pregnant than you ever though possible."

"I plan to retire when bank robbery becomes legal!"

'I'm not looking for treasure. I'm trying to find where I buried Dad.'

'And once we transfer the embryo, aspirate the follicles, and align your ovulation with the doctor's gold schedule, voila -- natures little miracle.'