Parent Joke Collector Pillows

'Hey, dad, I taught the dog to sit!'

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.

'A burp or a fart, I can excuse, but throwing up a pellet of fur and bones? That's gross dude!'

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

The Rooster Comedian.

Password Error: Snow White and the seven dwarfs not recognised as eight characters.

'Amscray,fuzzbrain - no carnivores allowed

Suffering from Cooties?

"Well, that certainly killed my buzz."

Job Vacancy: Human cannonball. Applicants must of the right calibre

Useless add-ons.

'Yeah, I agree: It's hard to impress females by looking virile and strong when you're all pink...'

"Your mother and I are feeling overwhelmed, so you'll have to bring yourselves up."

Irritable trowel syndrome.

"They're not Levi Strauss - they're not Levi Tate."

"I know my drinking limits.The problem is that I can never reach them - I simply fall down."

"...and she said 'MOO!'"

'The funny part is that the aerial was fine -- the TV set was just unplugged!'

'Budget cuts have forced us to drop our day-care program. I've contacted your mother to come and pick you up.'

'Looks like somebody needs to lay off of the authentic angel food cake!'

Mexican Jumping Balls.

Psychiatrist - "Doctor, I keep imagining I'm being followed by an impersonator."

'Alphabet soup? What's alphabet?'

Told you...Nonsense compulsive disorder.

Cheating Death.

"I must insist on my lawyer present."

"My dad can't talk yet, but he's learned to wave bye-bye."

Man takes picutre of other man holding up huge worm at Bait Shop.

Shark infested custard!

My daddy ate my homework

"Turn your head and cough."

'Take one of these three times a day until you start to feel better.'

'What does coincide mean?' 'It's what you do when it starts to rain.'